What I'd rather be doing this summer instead of going to and making so many doctor's appointments

 swimming

painting my toenails

spending money on clothes instead of copays

work on my writing

write more songs

 finish painting the living room wall

deep clean my floors

 practice piano and learn how to whistle loud and play bridge and bridge shuffle

build something

paint a mural in the writing room

bike forever like I used to

meet you for coffee or lemonade

go on a walk with you

see all my friends

go to the zoo

take day trips

garden

berry picking 

make postcards

finish 

be spontaneous

be the supermom that I used to be and take my son on wild all day adventures while he's still game

go to the mall

clean out my closet

and my junk drawers

get rid of everything we don't need

call you back

do my PT exercises

go to a kirtan retreat 

get a massage

         help you

help out

catch up on all my New Yorkers

take a day off to do nothing

make a bunch of meals to store in the freezer

do things I used to do that make me feel less vulnerable

not do

not go

spend less time in my body

float

dive

be a mermaid 

touch the drain at the bottom of the pool 

hand out cookies 

bury treasure

grieve and go

here these words and witness

and stay