When the World Stops

Today's post if from Anne H of Bloomington, MN. We've been writing together for 9 years. I am so grateful to receive this today. It teaches me I need to work on letting go of so many external pressures that take command of my overall health. I hadn't realized. Thank you, Anne! 💙

“I just need the world to stop for a while,” I’ve cried out that wish thousands of times. Friends and family suggest I work less hours, take time for myself, slow down. Don’t they understand that every moment I slow down I slip further behind? More than one well-meaning psychiatrist has admitted me to the psych ward when I’ve been so overwhelmed with anxiety that my constant shadow of depression eagerly fed off it until dwarfed the anxiety. I felt more overwhelmed in the artificial world behind the locked door of the psych unit as I fell further behind in the real world. I was isolated from that world, while my thoughts were racing through my brain in unending circles reminding me that my car payment was still due in two days, I’m scheduled to start working with a new client next week. I have two appointments I should cancel. 

We are in the midst of a crisis like no other that’s affecting this entire planet. Universities and schools across our nation are closing their doors, the stock market is unstable, millions of people are telecommuting. I’ve stopped trying to business - my phone calls end emails are trivial. After looking over my to-do list yesterday I tossed it aside realizing that due dates and deadlines are suspended. Amazon won’t care if I don’t return the smart-plug in the allotted 30 days or six months from now. 

Today I realized the world has indeed stopped. It’s even more freeing than I imagined it. I feel lighter without the pressures of the outside world, there’s no sense of urgency as the days pass. I’m not falling behind. My chest is opening up, my lungs fully expanding with my breath, my anxiety lessens. 

Maybe when covid-19 is no longer a threat maybe we can look back at what we learned. We don’t need to be able to shop 24-hours a day. Employees don’t have to be in their cubicles eight hours a day, some employees can be much more productive off-site. Less commuting means less driving, less pollution, more efficient use of gas. We can make it through spending less time in restaurants and bars and more time at home. With fewer work deadlines and closed schools, there’s more time to be with family. I’m going to be playing Hockey Trivia and laughing with my daughters this weekend. Will we have a new respect for grocery clerks and police officers who continued to do their jobs?

Be careful what you wish for.